Category Archives: personal

Stopping by to code on a snowy evening

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Like most people, I’ve grown up with computers. I’m 52 and I’ve been messing around with computers since I was 12, in 1982.

Coding is cozy

I’ve always associated learning how to code with the cold, grey winter days near the solstice. There’s something about wanting to be inside when it’s blustery out, concentrating on a task. I think it’s the same reason people like to do jigsaw puzzles, crossword puzzles, build models, do knitting, crafting, bake cookies, or quiet board games. And maybe it’s not an accident that a lot of people take part in the Advent of Code this time of year. Coding is cozy.

Apollo, PA

My mom was a math teacher at a small Catholic elementary school in a town with a weird, retro-future connection: Apollo, Pennsylvania. Apollo was laid out in 1790 and renamed Apollo in 1848. It is one of the few—maybe the only— city/state palindromes. And although a tiny village the town, also had a moon landing festival that’s been running almost uninterrupted since 1969 to celebrate the original Apollo moon landing. To be clear, the town has nothing in connection with the NASA mission, other than the name “Apollo”. Apollo also had a nuclear facility subcontracted by Westinghouse to produce nuclear fuel. The plant had a terrible safety record and was at the center of a missing uranium-235 scandal, which gave the town a slightly creepy, cold-war vibe.

Our first computer

The school got a small grant to purchase a single TRS-80 model 1 in 1982 when I was in 7th grade. They later purchased a TRS 80 model III. None of the teachers knew anything about how to use this. And they were not interested. So my mom brought it home for a few weeks over the Christmas break in 1982, and we kept it for a little while while she learned how to use it. Of course, I want to learn how to use it too.

There was no hard drive. There wasn’t even a “floppy” drive. There was no connection to the internet (but of course you wanted the acoustic phone modem), and no preinstalled, software or apps. Data was stored on a cassette tape. If you wanted to run something, you often found the code printed out in a magazine or a book. The Model I guide book came with the code to produce several simple games and programs. And that’s how I learn to code. During winter break typing out TRS-BASIC Level 1.

It’s a photograph of me, probably in 1983, delicately handling floppy desk for a TRS 80 III computer

I don’t think I have a picture of me with the old Model I, but here I am with the model III a year later (it stored programs on a floppy disk, which I’m holding). I know this is during the winter time also because I’m still in my Pittsburgh Steelers pyjamas that I got for Christmas.

Coding is poetry

One of my favourite programs of all time was “Stopping by the Woods”, which was printed in the original TRS-80 I manual. It reproduced the poem by Robert Frost line-by-line on the screen. At the same time, it used a simple randomization subroutine to place pixel blocks on the screen that looked like snow. It was monochrome. A black and white monitor with only white pixels. So it worked really well. I remember doing this during the winter time and being struck by how this by the way, they brought together poetry, chance, and coding. I think that had a big influence on me.

Here’s what it look like, on a YouTube video.

Each line of the poem is listed separately, and after each line, a command sends things to a subroutine (GOTOSUB6000) to generate random snow, which then sends it back to where it came from (RETURN). Open the screenshot below to see.

If you have a few quiet days over the next few weeks, I hope you have a chance to do some coding, create and solve some new puzzles, read some winter poetry, or just find the time to reflect on the things that give you peace.

Slow Social

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When Elon Musk finalized his purchase of Twitter, I began to think about whether it would be worth staying on Twitter. I’m not alone, and there are many users wondering the same thing. Not all of it is Musk related, but often that’s a catalyst.

And even in the best case scenario, where truly harmful stuff stays off the site, Musk’s stated plan for Twitter is to make it the “the most respected advertising platform in the world” which sound really boring, to be honest. And not something I’m especially interested in.

Do I need to be here?

I’ve been thinking about how I use social media these days. Not how social media is supposed to be used, not how others use it, not how Musk and Zuck want me to use it, but how I actually use it.

Generally speaking, I use social media as a platform to get tiny bursts of approval. I like some self expression and I also like getting some positive feedback on things that I write or share. That’s just about it. It sounds hollow and self-centred. It is self-centred.

So is that how I want to use it? Or is that how Musk and Zuck want me to use it? Do they want me here just engaged enough to stay to get some small pleasure from a like or a retweet? I think they do. And why should I give in to that?

Do I need to be here? Do I even need to be anywhere?

How it got that way

I used to use social media more actively. I used Facebook and Twitter to engage, argue, and browse. I used Facebook in the mid 2010 to connect with old friends abut but also argue and comment on news articles—a “digital town square”— but I still checked to see if people liked my comments. It is gratifying to see that others agree with you. But it was also often horrifying to see family and friends doing the same thing with sometimes grotesque opinions, racism, and misogyny. Facebook ended up deepening rifts for many of us, because we now saw what people said behind our backs in full view and we did not always like it. I deleted my FB account in 2018 and only brought it back in 2022, but now it’s just keeping in touch with my family. No opinions. Bland but kind of nice. I’ll post photos of a graduation or my garden.

I moved to Twitter in 2012 because it was becoming the place to share science, ideas, and insights into academia. I did learn a lot about important things like open science and anti racism. At first I really engaged with replies and quote tweets, spirited debate with interesting people. But my usage has stalled. Twitter’s algorithms are dominated by core topics and driven mostly by outrage. Even though I eventually blocked or muted some of the accounts and words, it’s still heavily dominated by narcissistic mega personalities (including Trump & Kanye, who are no longer even on the platform).

Over the past years, I’ve engaged less and less even as my actual tweeting remained the same. I rarely argue or debate. I tweet about covid anxiety, workloads, lockdowns, and some local politics, but mostly it’s little things that make me happy.

Most of my usage now is sending out dispatches of things I like, find, enjoy, get irritated by, am worried about, or think are funny. Thoughts into the void, but still craving that small boost from a like. It’s one sided. I share and get a like. That’s neither good nor bad, but it’s hardly reason to be on twitter vs anywhere else.

I think this is as good a time as any to rethink and perhaps write more longer form and share on this WordPress site. I enjoy self expression. I might still use Facebook or Twitter to share the blog, but I don’t need to be on those sites much beyond that. It’s certainly a slower social media.

I think “slow social” is what I need anyway.

Summer Running or Winter Running: Which is Better?

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I love running outside, but each season is different. And where I live, Southern Ontario, we get quite a range, with summer high temperatures up to the mid 30Cs (mid 90s in F) and wintertime lows can be -25C or lower (-13F and lower). I run all year long, so I decided to compare the to decide which was the best season for running.

A few Caveats (YMMV)

First, it should be self evident that late September – early October is actually the best time for running. It’s the best time for a lot of things. The weather is beautiful. It’s not too hot not too cold. The air is usually crisp. The days are getting shorter, but not too short. And maybe there’s some evolutionary need to get out and run, as if we need to get out and gather nuts and game meat for the long winter. Who knows, I’m not an evolutionary psychologist so I’m just making that up.

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This is why October is everyone’s favourite Month

Second, I have to acknowledge that I have the ability and privilege to run all year. I’m able and I’m reasonable fit for 49 years old. Not everyone has that. I am fortunate to live in a city with places to run. I am fortunate to live in a city that usually plows the sidewalks even after 2 feet of snow and even plows some of the running / multi-use trails also. Not everyone has that. As well, as a white, middle age male, I can run alone without worrying about being hassled, harassed, or feeling like a suspect. Not everyone has that privilege. And I run with my wife sometimes too: it’s great have a partner.

So let’s get to it. Which is the best season for running: Summer or Winter?

Summer

Summer is a like a long weekend. June is your Friday afternoon, full of promise and excitement. July is a Saturday, it’s fun, long, and full. Yes there’s summer chores to be done and in the back of your mind, you know the end is coming, but hey, it’s summer. August is Sunday. Enjoy your brunch, but soon it’s back to school, back to reality.

Weather: Its warm and pleasant some days, but miserable on other days. A sunny day at +25 is wonderful, but a humid day with a heat index of +44C is not fun to run in. You need to get out early or late to find cooler temps in those long, hot July weeks. If you wait too long, it’s too hot.

Gear: Shorts, light shirt, quick dry hat, water, and sunscreen. That’s it. You need the hat or something to keep sweat from pouring down your face. You need to carry water, also  because you’ll be sweating.

Flora: Summer is full of life and greenery here in the Great Lakes region. There are flowers and beautiful leafy shade trees. The scent of blossoms is in the air. But there’s pollen in the air too, and that can make it hard to breath. Some days in June, I sneeze every few minutes.

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Summer trail runs can be sublime

Wildlife: Good and bad. You can see deer in the woods, and birds, rabbits, foxes and coyotes. That’s the good. But you will be bothered by mosquitos and flies. And if you run on trails, there are spiders and ticks. Many of my long trail runs include running through webs and brushing off spiders. Not fun. I also do a tick check.

Air: It smells great early on, as jasmine-scented summer breezes envelop you on an early morning run. But it’s also muggy, hard to breath, and ozone-y. Around here, the air can smell of pig manure (we live near agriculture) and skunks. Lots of skunks.

Risk of weather death: Low, but people do die every year because of exhaustion. Heat stroke is real possibility, though

Distractions: Mixed. On the one hand, as a university professor I have more flexibility in the summer because I am not lecturing. But there’s also more outside stuff to do. Lawn work, garden work, and coaching softball. The beach. Biking places. I feel less compelled to run on a day when I had to mow the lawn and take care of other summer chores.

Overall: Summer running is great in late May, and early June but it soon turns tedious and to be honest by July it begins to feel like a chore. The hot weather can really drain the will to move.

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Hot humid by the Springbank bridge in London, ON.

Winter

Winters seem very long here, even in the southern part of Canada. The days are short; the nights are long. January can seem especially brutal because the holidays are over and winter is just beginning.

Weather: Extremely variable. More so than summer. You might get a stretch of “mild” days where its -10C followed by two weeks of -25C with brutal wind. You can run in that, but the toughest part is just getting out the door. Late winter is warmer, but that presents another problem. The sidewalk or trail will melt and thaw during the day and freeze as soon as the sun goes down. A morning run or an evening run means dealing with a lot of ice.

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It’s cold and dark but so beautiful

Gear: Tights, windpants, hat, gloves, layers, layers, and layers. A balaclava and sunglasses might be needed. That means more laundry. Carrying water is not quite as crucial as in the summer, but you may still need to, because public rest areas will not have their water fountains turned on. The water can freeze, which is not good (and has happened to me). Ice cleats or “yak tracks” can help if you’re running on a lot of packed snow and ice

Flora: There will be evergreens and that’s pretty much it. No pollen but no shade either. And nothing to block the wind.

Wildlife: Mostly good, but there’s less of it. You’ll see cardinals and squirrels and even deer. No bugs or spiders or skunks. But in Canada, (London, ON) the geese will start to get very aggressive as they get closer to mating in the spring… Avoid!

Air: Crisp and clear. But -25C and below, it can take your breath away. You warm up quickly and it really feels great to breath the cold air.

Risk of Weather Death: Pretty low, but black ice is treacherous. You can slip and fall and really hurt yourself. Also, be aware that windchill is a real thing. A windchill of -45C is dangerous.

Distractions: Mixed. I’m busier at work, but not outside as much and so I feel more compelled to run.

Overall: Winter has many challenges, but running is offset by an elusive quality that getting outside will be an adventure.

Conclusions

The Winner: Winter running is better.

There are pros and cons to each season. But I find it easier and more enjoyable to run in the dead of winter than in the hazy days of summer.

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I look happy, even after a long cold run.

One reason winter is best is how the weather extremes differ in the summer and winter. Unless I go out really early or really late, a morning run in the summer means that the weather gets objectively worse as I run. Try to do an 18km run at 8:00am and by 9:30 is really getting hot! You feel exhausted. Winter is the reverse. It gets nicer and slightly warmer as I go, so I feel exhilarated.

Another reason that winter is better is just a survival feeling. Winter feels like an adventure. I have to suit up and carry more gear and I might be the only one out on a trail. Summer, on the other hand feels like a chore. Like something I have to do. I have to get the run in before it gets too hot.

My stats bear this preference out.

In January I average 40-50km/week. In July it’s between 25-30km/week. My long runs are longer in the winter. I think its because I’m just not outside as much in the winter and so the long runs keep me sane. In the summer, I’m mowing, walking, coaching, and just doing more stuff. There’s less need to run.

So that’s it. Winter running is better than summer running. But this is just my opinion. What are your thoughts? Do you agree? Do you like running when it’s hot out? Do you hate being bundles up for winter runs?

In the end it does not matter too much as long as you’re able to get outside and enjoy a run, a walk, or whatever.

 

 

River Water

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A simple metaphor

I’ve been reading a lot about privilege, gender, and colonization. I will not even try to pretend to be an expert in this area. But I was thinking about how I am often unaware of my own life and its privilege and the role of luck and chance in all of our lives. The following metaphor / parable is what I came up with. It’s a bit of a clumsy analogy, but I thought it worked on a simple level for me.

We are like rivers

A river flows in the direction that it flows because of many things. Although some rivers are fast, or slow, or deep, or wide, they are all made of the same water. And really, a river is nothing more than water flowing along a course that was created by the water that came before it: the water that created the channel, the water that created the canyon, even the water that is downstream, pulling the river along its course.

The river doesn’t know this. It cannot know the struggles of the earlier river-water that moved the rocks. It cannot know the ease with which the earlier river-water flowed down an unobstructed path. It cannot know that the earlier river-water was obstructed and damned or if a melting glacier helped the earlier river-water to speed its course and deepen its channel. It cannot know that all rivers eventually stop flowing and that all river-water becomes part of the same sea.

All the river can know is it that it is flowing now: flowing quickly or flowing slowly; constrained or unconstrained, oblivious to its own history even as its present course and identity are shaped its history.

We are like rivers in this way. We flow along in our lives, making progress, confronting obstacles, and not always knowing the full context of our our life course.

We should try to understand

But we can try to know more that the river knows. Even as we try to live in the present, we can try to understand how the past shaped the channels and canyons of our life-course. We can see how our current circumstances might make it easier or more difficult depending on the obstacles that previous generations faced. We are the beneficiaries to the sometimes arbitrary circumstances that favoured or did not favour those who came before us. We may also carry the burden of the circumstances imposed on those who came before us. Those of us whose lives flow though clear cut channels may not always realize that we’re travelling a path with fewer obstacles, because those obstacles were removed long before us. We receive these benefits, earned or unearned, aware, or unaware.  But people whose paths are or were constrained or obstructed are often all too aware of the impedance. And like a river that was once blocked or dammed, the effects of the obstruction can be seen and felt long after the impedance was removed.

But we’re all the same river-water, flowing to the same sea. But we don’t all take the same course. We would do well to be aware of our privilege and to understand that we may not all have the same course to travel…but we still have to travel to the same place.

Be mindful of your own trajectory. Be mindful of others.

And help when you can.

 

Does This Project Bring Me Joy?

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I have too many research projects going on.

It’s great to be busy, but I’m often overwhelmed in this area. As a university professor, some of my job is well defined (e.g. teaching) but other parts not so much. My workload is divided into 40% research, 40% teaching, and 20% service. Within each of these, I have some say as to what I can take on. I can teach different classes and volunteer to serve on various committees. But the research component is mine. This is what I really do. I set the agenda. I apply for funding. This is supposed to be my passion.

So why do I feel overwhelmed in that area?

I think I have too many projects going on. And I don’t mean that I am writing too many papers. I’m most certainly not doing that. I mean I have too many different kinds of projects. There are several projects on psychology and aging, projects on the brain electrophysiology and category learning, a project on meditation and wellbeing in lawyers, a project on patient compliance, a project on distraction from smartphones, plus 4-5 other ideas in development, and at least 10 projects that are most charitably described as “half baked ideas that I had on the way home from a hockey game”.

Add to this many projects with students that may not quite be in my wheelhouse, but are close and that I’m supervising. And I’ll admit, I have difficulty keeping these things straight. I’m interested in things. But when I look at the list of things, I confess I have a tough time seeing a theme sometimes. And that’s a problem as it means I’m not really fully immersed in any one project. I cease to be an independent and curious scientist and become a mediocre project manager. And when I look at my work objectively, more often than not, it seems mediocre.

Put another way, sometimes I’m always really sure what I do anymore…

So what should I do about this, other than complain on my blog? I have to tidy up my research.

A Research Purge

There is a very popular book called “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up“. I have not read this book, but I have read about this book (and let’s be honest that’s sometimes the best we can do). The essence of the approach is that you should not be hanging on to things that are not bringing you joy.

Nostalgia is not joy.

Lots of stuff getting in the way is not joy. And so you go though things, one category at a time, and look at each thing and say “does this item spark joy“? If the answer is no, you discard it. I like this idea.

If this works for a home or a room…physical space…then it should work for the mental space of my research projects. So I’m going to try this. I thought about this last year, but never quite implemented it. I should go through each project and each sub project and ask “Does this project bring me joy?” or “Is there joy in trying to discover this?” Honestly, if the answer is “no” or “maybe” why should I work on it? This may mean that I give up on some things and that some possible papers will not get published. That’s OK, because I will not be compelled to carry out research and writing if it is not bringing me joy. Why should I? I suspect I would be more effective as a scientist because I will (hopefully) focus my efforts on several core areas.

This means, of course, that I have to decide what I do like. And it does not have to be what I’m doing. It does not have to be what I’ve done.

The Psychology of the Reset

Why do we like this? Why do people want to cleanse? To reset. To get back to basics? It seems to be the top theme in so many pop-psych and self help books. Getting rid of things. A detox or a “digital” detox. Starting over. Getting back to something. I really wonder about this. And although I wonder why we behave this way, I’m not sure that I would not find joy in carrying out a research study on this…I must resist the urge to start another project.

I’m going to pare down. I still need to teach, and supervise, and serve on editorial boards, etc: that’s work. I’m not complaining and I like the work. But I want to spend my research and writing time working on projects that will spark joy. Investigating and discovering things that I’m genuinely curious about…curious enough to put in the hours and time to do the research well.

I’d be curious too, to know if others have tried this. Has it worked? Have you become a better scholar and scientists by decluttering your research space?

Thanks for reading and comments are welcome.

Thinking about Vacations

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Summer is when most people take a vacation. The weather is usually nice, so there are many options for most people. And of course, children are usually home from school for a few months so families tend to take a vacation during this time. And even people without children probably still have a residual rhythm to the year that was forged during their own childhood and school time. Those early patters leave their mark.

I’m fascinated by how people choose to spend their vacation time. When I was a child, growing up in rural Pennsylvania, we tended to spend most if the summer at home since my mother was a schoolteacher. But we did go away on vacations. They tended to be road trips to stay with family in other areas of the country and we’d take in attractions like the Grand Canyon, the White Mountains in NH or the beach in North Carolina along the way. One year, we visited family in Northern Virginia and spent some time at the Smithsonian Museum. I was 12 and younger siblings were 11 and 8. I remember we had to all wear the same bright yellow Pittsburgh Steelers t-shirt so that my parents would not lose us in the crowds. I remember being embarrassed but don’t remember the crowds.

Crowds are bigger these days

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve really started notice the crowds more. As an example, my famliy and I often spend time on the Bruce Peninsula in Ontario. There is a wonderful national park and fantastic hiking along the Niagara Escarpment. The first year we visited, 2004, the place seemed so remote, so pristine. But ever year, the crowds have steadily increased. So much so that one of the most popular attractions, “the Grotto” has summer restrictions now. It can only be accessed you are given one of the parking passes that are handed out at 7:00am each day. When the passes are gone, the park is closed to anyone without one. The Grotto is magnificent, but hard to enjoy when it’s teeming with people.

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A quiet evening on the Bruce Peninsula, looking out over Georgian Bay

The traffic at the big American parks (Yosemite, Smokey mountains, Yellowstone) is legendary and a growing problem, In some parks, campgrounds are so popular that some entrepreneurs have set up permit bots to buy the site permits when they are available and resell.

Personal preference

So what makes some people crave a vacation in a crowded area and others choose solitude? Some people plan for big crowed locations like Disney, Las Vegas, or a music festival like Coachella or Osheaga. And of course, some events are crowded by nature, such as a ball game. I tend to want to avoid crowds (an ideal vacation is winter camping…crowds are low).

Maybe it comes down to what you want to get away from or back to? I work at a large research university and teach classes up to 200 students. With 30,000 students enrolled at Western, I find that I’m always in a crowd. I suppose the last thing I want to do to recharge is be in another crowd. But if you tend to work in a less crowded place, maybe the fun of being in a bigger crowd on the beach or a park is what you enjoy.

Vacations are needed

Regardless of whether you like a crowd, a beach, the city, or solitude, we all need some time to get out of our comfort zone (or sometimes time to get back into it). Project:Time Off tracks research on vacations and the general message is that we’re not doing it enough. I I hope you are able to get away for a few days. Unplug. Reconnect with your friends or family. Or head to a big crowded festival if that’s your thing (I won’t see you there…). Either way, enjoy your vacation!